DEAR, DEAR, DEAR

...as long as they were already there to begin with.

Dear Rt Hon Mr Alexander

How proud did it make you to open a food bank for the starving in your constituency and to pretend to be helping to pack a parcel to feed your hungry constituents? 

Yours sincerely

Tris

**********

Dear Rt Hon Mr Carmichael,

Could you please point out to me where in Public International Law it says that you cannot share a fully convertible currency?

Does this stop Guernsey, Jersey, IoM, Gibraltar, and probably the Falkland Islands/Malvinas from having this currency and will they now, under Public International Law have to join another currency or start their own?

Best regards

Tris
**********

Dear Ms Davidson,

I understand you are a big Dr Who fan. In the hopefully likely event of Scotland becoming independent in 2016, will you fight tooth and nail for Daleks to be allowed in Scotland, or will you emigrate to England where you will be able to watch them as much as you like.

Kind regards

Tris

**********
Dearest Rt Hon Darling

Would you like to explain these actions to the Scottish taxpayer, and perhaps outline why on earth we would believe anything you say now regarding financial arrangements?

Sincerely

Tristan
**********
Dear Mr Hosie,

Thank heavens someone in Westminster is talking sense about the sterling debacle.

I particularly liked the comment from you today in the Herald.

"The UK, or sterling zone, balance of trade deficit right now is £35bn a year; Scottish oil and gas exports are £30 billion. That would effectively double the sterling zone trade imbalance and shred the currency. That would be really silly." 

You also pointed out that imposing barriers to trade with Scotland would "destroy at least tens of thousands of English jobs and that's just bonkers."

We are grateful for some sanity being brought to the debate. Of course it must help that you have a handle on your brief!

I was wondering if you think that people like Osborne and Balls, Carmichael and Darling are aware of the consequences of their pettiness?

Best

Tris
***********
Dear Mr Carwyn Jones,

I was amazed to read that you would veto the UK and Scotland sharing the same currency. 

I hadn't the vaguest notion that you had that power. Nor, I think, did anyone else.

Perhaps you would be kind enough to indicate if there are other things that you would veto regarding Scotland's future, what with you being a Welsh first minister. It's best to know these things in advance, wouldn't you agree? 

gyda fy nymuniadau gorau

Tris
***********
Dear Rt Hon Grieve,

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Why did you set out to stir up racial tension by accusing Pakistanis of being corrupt? Is your government not in enough trouble already without you adding to it? 

Was this not a rather stupid thing for a) a legal expert [we've assumed that you are a legal expert, you know, what with the job you do, and all] and b) a politician? I mean you must presumably have some Pakistanis in your constituency. Do you now feel you can serve them as their MP.

I can tell you that you nearly caused a friend of mine to crash his car when he heard you on the radio. I mean, it takes great comedy skills for a member of the House of Commons to talk about other people being corrupt. Didn't one of your own papers, the Telegraph, recently discover that more than 50% of your fellow members had fiddled their expenses, some to an incredible extent? 

Add the House of Lords, police who blame their own incompetence on drunken youths, knock over sick men at demonstrations, never mind that they are making their way home for work (a striver, I'm sure you'd agree), kill Brazilians on the metro and lie through their teeth in court about it, and sell stories to the press in return for health spa holidays and cash incentives, a press which hacks people's phones, some dodgy invitations to royal weddings from people who had given use of their private jets to Prince Charles and Mrs Parker Bowles, and finally a state broadcaster which you sometimes wonder ever had time to make programmes given what was going on in its premises, and it's all looking a bit like a  good old fashioned Whitehall farce?

Silly man.

One more question, if I may. Do you really think you're up to this job, or wouldn't you be better suited to prosecuting petty thieves?

With my best wishes for the consequences of your outrageous slur.

Tristan

**********

Dear Ms Lamont,
If Private Eye thought that any of their readers had ever
 heard of you, you might have made their lookalike feature.
As it is you will have to make do with Munguin's.
Some of our readers will probably be aware of you
Tris x
**************************