SNAPS FOR SATURDAY (with fewer photographs for those with short attention spans, Niko)

Now that's a nice thought...

But they said we'd never see Dr Who again?

Hmmm... that lasted at least all of the first day and
possibly into the second

This is serious. It's what they did to us, and will do again.

The reincarnation of Lord George of Dancing in the Gutter

Ils ont dit OUI!

They keep on shooting themselves in the foot

The Upper Classes own England (and it's possessions)

How strange that they seem not to understand the economics of the situation.

We all know some...

Logic hasn't really ever been high on Ukok's list of attributes

No longer paying for this lot would be a blessing,
worth it all on it's own.

And now for some cheering stuff

Start of the Festival

We've got a unique capital

Beautiful beyond belief

We've got a good Games going on...
and two lovely Cabinet Secretaries

And people are Yessing... in the Cook Islands

...In Skye...

...in Santiago de Compostela

Munguin's Private Jet!

PS: From YES International

In an exclusive turn of events, several anonymous sources have advised us about strange going ons in the Clair field near Shetland. A few days ago we were made aware that contractors working for BP were stood down after obtaining the results of the latest test drilling statistics. While the source refused to name the actual test drilling rig, other sources of information point to it being in the Clair field. It was said that the test results “far exceeded expectations”.

We have had other information that contractors have in fact been sent home on full pay just after receiving these results and that they were advised that they would not be recalled until after the referendum. All of this happened just shortly before Prime Minister David Cameron became the first Prime Minister to visit Shetland in 34 years. His visit was shrouded in secrecy and up until he was snapped by a photographer getting off the plane had been denied altogether.

We put questions to BP’s press office.

In an email to Yes International the BP Group press officer said “we don't comment on individual test results”.  He went on to say that this week “Our CEO made the positive point during our 2Q results this week that the company has just given the go–ahead for a 6th appraisal well on Greater Clair.”

“We intend to invest billions in the area in the coming years” – BP Source

We also contacted other sources who described the results as “above expected” and “a job for life”.

The number 10 press office declined to answer our emails.

WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSIBLE ARGUMENT, USE A NONSENSICAL ONE

From YES SCOTLAND

Say goodbye to your pandas

As one Westminster official helpfully pointed out: “No one has fully understood the ramifications for the pandas of any bid for Scottish independence.”

Mobile phone bills will skyrocket

In June last year, the Westminster Government claimed that people in Scotland would be forced to pay mobile phone roaming charges when travelling south of the border – just days after the European Commission announced its intention to abolish the charges from next year.

Scotland would be vulnerable to attacks from space

In comments to the media, Defence Secretary Philip Hammond predicted that Scotland would be financially responsible not only for the decommissioning of Faslane, but also for the cost of establishing a new base in England or Wales, at a cost of ‘tens of billions’. Mind you, on his next visit he also warned that independence would make Scotland vulnerable to attacks from space.

The Trident nuclear base at Faslane would be annexed

Faslane has been a popular topic for the scaremongers. Last year ‘Government sources’ told The Guardian they were examining plans to designate the military base on Gareloch as sovereign UK territory in the event of a Yes vote. The following day Downing Street flatly denied the plan as neither credible nor sensible.

Visiting Auntie Betty in Grimsby? Best pack your passport

Home Secretary Theresa May told the Scottish Conservative Party conference that an independent Scotland would result in a “literal and figurative barrier” with “passport checks to visit friends and relatives”. Really? Even though no such border arrangement exists anywhere else in Europe, and a common travel area is already in operation between the UK and Ireland?

It will be the end of the world as we know it

Labour peer Lord Robertson declared that an independent Scotland would be “cataclysmic” for the West, threaten global stability and be welcomed by “the forces of darkness”. No risk of exaggeration there then…

You'll never see Doctor Who again

Former Westminster Culture Secretary Maria Miller claimed that viewers in independent Scotland would not be able to watch Doctor Who. Never mind that you can currently watch Doctor Who in 75 countries around the world from Angola and Australia to Uruguay and Venezuela.

No you can't, yes you can

In March 2014 the Tories, Labour and Lib Dems joined forces to rule out a currency union. Only weeks later, a senior Westminster government minister, who reports suggest would play a central role in independence negotiations, gave the game away by admitting that a currency union would be agreed to ensure fiscal and economic stability on both sides of the border.

You'll need to drive on the other side of the road

Last September, Labour’s Westminster shadow health secretary Andy Burnham warned that he didn't want to have to drive on the right when he came to an independent Scotland. So ludicrous was this story that the Guardian newspaper decided to run it as an April Fool’s Day story this year. 

DEAR, DEAR, DEAR

...as long as they were already there to begin with.

Dear Rt Hon Mr Alexander

How proud did it make you to open a food bank for the starving in your constituency and to pretend to be helping to pack a parcel to feed your hungry constituents? 

Yours sincerely

Tris

**********

Dear Rt Hon Mr Carmichael,

Could you please point out to me where in Public International Law it says that you cannot share a fully convertible currency?

Does this stop Guernsey, Jersey, IoM, Gibraltar, and probably the Falkland Islands/Malvinas from having this currency and will they now, under Public International Law have to join another currency or start their own?

Best regards

Tris
**********

Dear Ms Davidson,

I understand you are a big Dr Who fan. In the hopefully likely event of Scotland becoming independent in 2016, will you fight tooth and nail for Daleks to be allowed in Scotland, or will you emigrate to England where you will be able to watch them as much as you like.

Kind regards

Tris

**********
Dearest Rt Hon Darling

Would you like to explain these actions to the Scottish taxpayer, and perhaps outline why on earth we would believe anything you say now regarding financial arrangements?

Sincerely

Tristan
**********
Dear Mr Hosie,

Thank heavens someone in Westminster is talking sense about the sterling debacle.

I particularly liked the comment from you today in the Herald.

"The UK, or sterling zone, balance of trade deficit right now is £35bn a year; Scottish oil and gas exports are £30 billion. That would effectively double the sterling zone trade imbalance and shred the currency. That would be really silly." 

You also pointed out that imposing barriers to trade with Scotland would "destroy at least tens of thousands of English jobs and that's just bonkers."

We are grateful for some sanity being brought to the debate. Of course it must help that you have a handle on your brief!

I was wondering if you think that people like Osborne and Balls, Carmichael and Darling are aware of the consequences of their pettiness?

Best

Tris
***********
Dear Mr Carwyn Jones,

I was amazed to read that you would veto the UK and Scotland sharing the same currency. 

I hadn't the vaguest notion that you had that power. Nor, I think, did anyone else.

Perhaps you would be kind enough to indicate if there are other things that you would veto regarding Scotland's future, what with you being a Welsh first minister. It's best to know these things in advance, wouldn't you agree? 

gyda fy nymuniadau gorau

Tris
***********
Dear Rt Hon Grieve,

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Why did you set out to stir up racial tension by accusing Pakistanis of being corrupt? Is your government not in enough trouble already without you adding to it? 

Was this not a rather stupid thing for a) a legal expert [we've assumed that you are a legal expert, you know, what with the job you do, and all] and b) a politician? I mean you must presumably have some Pakistanis in your constituency. Do you now feel you can serve them as their MP.

I can tell you that you nearly caused a friend of mine to crash his car when he heard you on the radio. I mean, it takes great comedy skills for a member of the House of Commons to talk about other people being corrupt. Didn't one of your own papers, the Telegraph, recently discover that more than 50% of your fellow members had fiddled their expenses, some to an incredible extent? 

Add the House of Lords, police who blame their own incompetence on drunken youths, knock over sick men at demonstrations, never mind that they are making their way home for work (a striver, I'm sure you'd agree), kill Brazilians on the metro and lie through their teeth in court about it, and sell stories to the press in return for health spa holidays and cash incentives, a press which hacks people's phones, some dodgy invitations to royal weddings from people who had given use of their private jets to Prince Charles and Mrs Parker Bowles, and finally a state broadcaster which you sometimes wonder ever had time to make programmes given what was going on in its premises, and it's all looking a bit like a  good old fashioned Whitehall farce?

Silly man.

One more question, if I may. Do you really think you're up to this job, or wouldn't you be better suited to prosecuting petty thieves?

With my best wishes for the consequences of your outrageous slur.

Tristan

**********

Dear Ms Lamont,
If Private Eye thought that any of their readers had ever
 heard of you, you might have made their lookalike feature.
As it is you will have to make do with Munguin's.
Some of our readers will probably be aware of you
Tris x
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