Monday, 19 November 2012


OK, I just had to share this one with you guys.

Danny (Munguin's Man in America) sent me this poem and the history below.

Now to understand it fully you have to know that the symbol for the GOP or Republicans is an elephant.

And a sort of unofficial representation for the Democrats has been a donkey. For explanations of these symbols, see below.

So with that knowledge to hand here is the poem. (Don't worry: Milton it isn't and it's very short.)

The election is over,
The talking is done.

Your party lost,
My party won.
So let us be friends,
Let arguments pass.
I'll hug your elephant,
If you kiss my ass.

Explanation time!

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic 
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the 
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the 

The two most important events in all of history were the invention 
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to 
get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern 
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of 
humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the 
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can 
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around 
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the 
brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at 
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what 
is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to 
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and 
doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the 
beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became 
known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include 
the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group 
hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide 
the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, 
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are 
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most 
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but 
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard 
liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of 
their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most 
social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in 
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the 
designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher 
also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat 
red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big 
game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, 
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate 
executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and 
generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own 
companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the 
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals 
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why 
 most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were 
coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and 
created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:


  1. umm! are there any Gay conservatives or is that just a liberal trait.

  2. Erm... I don't know, Niko. And I don't know any Conservatives, so I can't ask them.


    Wasn't there a gay guy once in the shadow cabinet? But he disappeared when they got into government.

    Does it really matter?

    The Conservatives are crap regardless of their sexuality.

    Normally they sort the economy and wreck society, but this time they are wrecking the economy as well as society.

    That's Dave and George Osborne for you. Sharp as a tack

    Next question...

  3. Good question Niko. There's a persistent rumor that gay conservatives may exist, but they're just afraid to admit it......particularly if they reside in a red state with all the right wing good ole boys.

    A red state you may know is by some informal convention a reliably Republican (conservative) state whereas a blue state is one where enlightened liberal Democrats hold the balance of power. But to get a better idea of what's really involved with the red state/blue state divide, I'll post a more detailed analysis below.

    Some names and places may be slightly unfamiliar on your side of the Atlantic, but I think you may get the essence of it.

    This article popped up in the current post-election atmosphere in which petitions for secession from the union, with tens of thousands of signatures, have descended upon the Obama White House website from right wing nut cases in the red states.

    It sounds like a split in the union might actually have some benefits....particularly to the newly formed E.S.A., (Enlightened States of America). ;-)

  4. Very complicated Danny...Your red is our blue and vice (!) versa.

  5. Dear Red States:

    We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.

    We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

    In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Colorado, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, New England, and the rest of the Northeast.

    We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

    To sum up briefly:
    You get Texas, Oklahoma, all the slave states, and the western states that no one lives in. And you get Alaska too....including the urban areas if you can find them.

    We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

    We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

    We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

    You get Alabama.

    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

    With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
    tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists,
    virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Yosemite, Silicon Valley, and what the hell, we'll even take Hollywood thank you.

    We note that 38% of those in the Red states believe that women who are raped, asked for it, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or
    gun laws, 54% of people in Red states say that evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you nut cases believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

    You will note that we're taking the legal marijuana states, and with them we're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico and risk going to red state prison in the bargain.

  6. Tris....Don't really know when the red state/blue state thing got formalized. But it seems to have begun by the TV networks on election night coloring the states as they were called for the Democrats and Republicans. How the major networks hit upon a single standard color scheme is a mystery.

    Perhaps the citizens of Scotland would like to see the final red state/blue state map of the 2012 presidential election. It's a thing of beauty.....IF you happen to be a Democrat. ;-)

  7. Oh Yes, Danny... that is quite a letter...

    I think they might have mentioned Sister Sarah...!!

    Someone should write a letter like that for Scotland.

    We get the Western Isles; you get Bradford! sort of thing.

    I'm trying to imagine The university of Georgia!

    Thanks for taking the time to write that out!

    In the UK blue is the conservative colour, and I suppose red for Labour dates back to when the party was socialist, or even left of centre. Before, as you may have heard today, Ed Miliband said that we should think of him as the new Maggie Thatcher. Smart move if you are fond of rotten fruit!

    Next election it may be difficult to tell which is which as the red, which is already a deep purple colour, morphs completely into true blue Britishness.

    As for the Liberals (which I'm sure you've been waiting to hear about) they used to be yellow, for no particular reason. I say used to be, because as far as I can see they have completely disappeared.

    It is indeed a splendid map.

    So too, of course are the maps shown on this article. SNP colour being a yellow-er yellow than the now more or less defunct Liberals.

  8. Danny

    glad you grasped the meaning of me comment got the distinct impression tris did not.

  9. Were you being esoteric Niko?

  10. Yes Tris, as you suggest, the US color scheme reverses the more traditional use of red for socialist and left leaning politics, and blue for conservative politics.

    According to Wikipedia, the American color convention only goes back to 2000, when the NBC network chose the current red-blue color scheme, and the other networks simply followed suit. Pretty much since the advent of color TV, the news media have used a color coded map on election night. But various color schemes were used until it became standardized in 2000.

    Actually I didn't type out that letter. It was sent to me by a friend who lives in the bluest of blue states New York. So it was simply a matter of copy and paste. Indeed, Sarah Palin should have been there.....LOL.

  11. Well Niko, it's actually quite possible that any real subtlety and nuance flew right over my head. I replied pretty literally.....LOL.

    Interesting that the same sex marriage issue that has so divided the parties here also seems to be an issue in the UK and Europe. I usually expect that such social issues are sorted out and settled on that side of the Atlantic long before they gain traction in the USA.

  12. I think the Conservatives are all closet gays?

  13. Niko's too subtle for either of us Danny. Then again he's a man of the world and we are just innocent lads by comparison.

    Maybe Uncle Niko will explain what the hell he's on about?

    As you might expect here Danny it's tearing the Tory party apart. Well, when I say that, I mean when it isn't being torn apart by Europe.

    So it gives Europe a break for half an hour and starts beating itself up over gay marriage. Pfffff

    You'd think that there weren't people hungry and homeless; jobless and living in misery in this dump, that these half wits have time to worry their precious little souls about such trivia.

    They really do need to see what's going on around them in the world. But for as long as they live in the Westminster/country estate bubble that's not going to happen.


  14. Its been my experience that gay folk can be quite right wing/conservative, no idea why because you'd think the opposite would be true.

    Also, apropos of not much at all other than its on the telly but, Newsnight Scotland has exceled itself tonight in misrepresentation, obfuscation and general bullshittery.

    Ken Mackintosh is a throbber, the IFS is a westminster/unionist sop.

    Its very frustrating.

  15. Well, that's a possibility, Wolfie. Have you any idea what Niko was on about?

  16. Yes it is frustrating Pa.

    I wish we had some paper or tv station that wasn't hideously biased enough to lie through their teeth at every opportunity about what is going on.

    But we don't have and as these people get more and more desperate about losing their fat cat jobs (where would someone like Curran get the chance of a job that paid £65,000?) and their titles (Darling counted on going to the lords all his life) they will get more outrageous with their lies.

    A pox on all of them.

  17. If you have time over the next few days, I'd advise a read of our own Pa Brown's tale of his trip with his scout group (or some of it).

    It's on Fazzledown (to be found in the right hand sidebar). It's a hilarious read, but interesting too. It makes me want to do the walk actually.

    The link takes you to the tenth chapter, and clearly it's a better idea to start at the beginning. Fortunately there is a link to this at the bottom of the tenth post.

    It's really worth a read. Pa has a really engaging, self deprecating writing style.

    Get over there and read it... and subscribe . . .

    (That's a fiver Pa!)

  18. There are openly gay Republicans, google 'Log Cabin Republicans'

  19. He he...Thanks, Anon.

    Btw, we're only having a bit of fun at their politics, not their sexuality.

  20. Umm! see that two face lying slag Mike Russell has had

    a “full and unreserved” apology for giving the wrong information on college funding by mistake

    Dragged out of him

    Ministers, in their turn, ensure
    that they know the Code well and respect its terms, seeking clarity in any case of
    doubt and behaving according to the spirit, as well as the letter, of the Code

    Rt Hon Alex Salmond MSP
    First Minister of Scotland

    (c) It is of paramount importance that Ministers give accurate and truthful
    information to the Parliament, correcting any inadvertent error at the earliest
    opportunity. Ministers who knowingly mislead the Parliament will be expected
    to offer their resignation to the First Minister;

    Right so he Russell should resign asap or do the snp put party before nation.
    If he stays this will undermine the Scottish Parliament. At Westminster he would be gone but is the snp misrule worse than Westminsters misrule as the Nats are always claiming.

  21. a “full and unreserved” apology for giving the wrong information on college funding by mistake.

    Nuff said.

    Och Niko, Stop yer havers. It would be amusing if Labour hadn't a history as long as you arm of never resigning or apologising.

    We're still waiting for Lamont to apologise for the rape lies; we're still waiting for Curren to apologise for the crap that she told the STUC about money the SNP government were going to get from G4, when she knew the government didn't get a halfpenny from that; that her friends the Tories kept all that for themselves in England.

    And we're waiting for your friends and partners in the Blether Together Campaign, the limpdems to apologise for Danny Alexander, the chief secretary to the treasury not being able to distinguish between 2001 and 2011.

    I realise that ten years isn't much but it did make a VAST difference to the figures... in his favour...

    Strange that...

    As for your friends the Tories, also partners in your silly attempt to hold on to the empire, they've never told the truth in their puff, but, why would they apologise to plebs.

    I wonder how Coulson and LOL Becky are feeling tonight.

    Dave's mates in the slammer.

  22. Thanks for the recommendation Tris, always appreciated.

    That letter from Danny is a cracker too, really enjoyed reading it, its right up my street (I seem to be a bit of a lefty 'down with this sort of thing' person. ;-)

  23. That's a pleasure Pa. I say it because I mean it. Your blog is always good reading, and I found the story of your walk really entertaining.

    I have huge admiration for people who give up their spare time to help youngsters start the right way in life.

    Adolescence is hard, for all the apparent joys of being a kid.

    The story of your walk shows that you, and the other leaders are there to help them, but you also inject into it a great sense of fun which is bound to influence you charges as they hit adulthood.

    A hat tip to you and your co-leaders, and to all the people like you, who give up their time for the benefit of others.

    Yeah, Danny sends me some great stuff, only a tiny selection of which I share on here. He is always concerned that people won't appreciate or understand American stories, but I assure him that although America probably knows little of what goes on here, except the doings of the Windors, we tend to get American politics here as a matter of course.

    As for being a wee bit of a lefty, join the club...