BRITISH PENSIONS THE WORST IN EUROPE: AND MOST WON'T QUALIFY FOR ALL THE RISE COMING UP IN 2016

The British state pension at a maximum £110.15 a week is the most miserable in Europe. Compared to average income, even Hungary and Slovenia better the pension benefits British pensioners receive, according to a new OECD report.

British workers on average earnings typically get a state pension worth 32.6% of their working wage. Italian workers, in contrast, can expect 70% of their working salary from the Italian government when they retire. In the developed world, only Mexicans receive less proportionately from the State pension than British workers.

The average European State pension is worth 40.6% of average earnings. If you want to retire comfortably on State coffers compared to those in work, one of the best countries is Austria, at 76.6% - or the Netherlands, even better, at 90.7%. Many Europeans also retire earlier than their British counterparts.

What is a more realistic level of state pension income? The British state pension should be set at £178 a week if it is to be a proper "living State pension", the National Pensioners' Convention claim. Even in the independent states of Guernsey and Jersey, the pensions are far more generous.

There are plans to introduce a flat rate UK pension of around £144 come 2016, worth just under £7,500 a year, just over half the poverty line of around £14,000, though you will need to have worked up 35 years worth of National Insurance contributions to qualify rather than the current 30 (a move the Government has been quiet on, eh Steve Webb!!!).

If you want to have the longest retirement, head for France. The average French male pensioner will live 22.6 years (27.4 for women) on average after leaving work. The average British male kicks the bucket almost five years earlier.

Ah, La Belle Vie? 

Non Merci. Mieux Ensemble. (Mon cul.)

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How much did they say the set up costs of Scotland was going to be?

We can't even afford the "t" in Scotland

PREPARE TO MEET THINE END

The UK government announced a  little while ago that people will no longer be obliged to buy an annuity with the money they get from their pension funds.

This presumably means that they can blow the lot on a Porsche, a round-the-world cruise, or a regular good time with Fifi le Malmal (2nd floor left, knock twice).

The downside of that, of course is that when it's done, it's done... and you wouldn't want to have to exist on a British state pension, given that it is the lowest in the developed world after Mexico.

So the pensions minister, in a desperate bid to keep down with the rest of the Work and Pension low life in the Tory government, has decided to tell you when you can expect to die.

Yes, when you retire you will get your pension book, your bus pass and details of when you can expect to quit this life, Steve Webb, who used to be a Liberal, bless him, has announced.

So, although you will get a more accurate forecast on your retirement date, when Mystic Steve pops round to see you with his crystal balls, Munguin has thoughtfully provided you will a rough idea of when you can expect to pop your clogs, so that you can plan not to be a burden on Gidiot Osborne. 

As you can see people in Scotland don't do too terribly well out of this, but the good news is that they can spend all their money faster than those poor people in the South of England who are going to have to make the niggardly amount last longer.

Our worry is that people in Northern Ireland must be expected to die on their 65th birthday... In which case Munguin's advice to them is spend it all on your credit card and take out massive loans the year before you are due to retire, and leave someone else to sort it out.

I was wondering, If Mystic Steve gets it wrong, and you last another few weeks... will you be able to claim social security?

Joking aside... Have you ever heard of anything so crass?

LIBERAL FLIGHTS OF FANCY

It occurs to me yesterday's intervention by Michael Moore (or as Peter Bell calls him Mr Pointless), surpasses in stupidity all previous attempts by him to undermine the cause of independence.

He announced that border posts would be erected between Scotland and England and that even farm tracks and side roads would be manned by armed guards.

The notion has been raised before (perhaps by Captain Darling?) and, as I remember, it was put in its box at that time.

The British Isles is a common travel area. There are at present five different jurisdictions which enjoy freedom of travel sans passeport or other travel documentation  States of Jersey, States of Guernsey, The UK, The Republic of Ireland, The Isle of Man. 

Three of these jurisdictions are not even in the EU. 

During the years of "the troubles" in Ireland, there was still freedom of travel between the republic and the province.

Why on Earth would the UK want to have border posts between England and Scotland. It would inconvenience travellers and disrupt trade between the two nations. It would serve no useful purpose and it would cost a fortune. There is no guarantee that an independent scotland would agree to man their side of the border, deeming it unnecessary.

The only conclusion one can draw is that the Uk authorities would choose to be awkward with Scotland for the sake of being awkward with Scotland. In other words they would behave like a petulant child.

Either that, of course, or Mr Pointless is fibbing?

Ah, Project Fear's idea of positivity!
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I was intrigued to read in the Daily Telegraph that the government in London has suggested that pensioners will have to remain in their jobs until they are 70. Not this time because the   government can't afford to pay pensions (although it can't), but because the UK is running out of workers.

That's an interesting concept, given that there are millions of people who are unemployed and England is apparently overrun with "foreigners". But according to the Department for Work and Pensions' Steve Webb (so the usual warning apply and pinches of salt are available on request), employers will need to fill 13.5 million job vacancies over the next 10 years, but only 7 million young people will leave school and college during that time.

Webb tells us that this is not a plan to force people to work “into their seventies and beyond” but was aimed at preventing older workers dropping out, perhaps through treatable health problems. The article mentions that McDonalds have found it useful to have older and younger people working together.

“This isn't ‘work ‘til you drop,’” Webb lied, I mean, said. “This is actually enabling people to carry on, and in most cases that is good for their wellbeing as well.”

This translates into: "This is a plan to reduce people's uptake of pensions to save us money, because we are Tories (well, as good as) and we don't like paying out state money to ordinary people. Just because their health is deteriorating doesn't mean that they shouldn't be forced to work in McDonalds. It will be good for them. I myself shall continue 'working' from the red benches in the House of Lords until my state funeral and possibly after."

To think I once contemplated voting Liberal Democrat! Is there one 't' or two in prat?

1947 + 65 YEARS =..........OH, 2012! ......DUH

I was incredulous when I read in The Herald that, when confronted with the fact that there will be a vast increase in the number of pensioners in 2012 as the baby boomer generation reached 65, that the Department of Work and Pensions described it as “staggering”.

They were apparently completely unaware of this impending increase in the number of people reaching pensionable age. Their forward planning obviously didn’t make any use of the statistical information that has been available to them for, ...well around 65 years, that the number of births in the post war years was incredibly high and that these people would all start to claim pensions at the same time. Well duh!

In fact more than 800,000 people in the UK will hit 65 in 2012. Aberdeen will see the biggest rise at a 33% rise compared to 2010, whilst Edinburgh will see a 25% increase.

The London government wants to bring forward a rise in the state pension age, and decisions are expected shortly. Some more good news for us all, no doubt. Plans have already been laid to increase retirement age to 68 between 2024 and 2046, but it now looks like these proposals may be have to be brought forward in order to reduce the impact of the increase on the economy (and of course the bankers' bonuses, which are sacrosanct) in view of the fact that someone in the DWP has woken up to the fact that if you had a massive increase in births in 1947, unless they all died prematurely, you would have a massive increase in pensioners 65 years later. Do we pay these people?

At present, the state pension age is 65 for men and, for some bizarre reason in this age of equality, 60 for women born before April 5 1950.

You can always rely on a government minister to say something patronising and superior and Pensions Minister Steve Webb (of expenses fame), was no exception to the rule: “People”, he said, “are now living longer, healthier lives and most 65-year-olds can expect to live until their late 80s. State pensions need to reflect this and we need to make sure that the system is sustainable in the face of increasing longevity.” So there!

He clearly knows a lot about ordinary people’s lives and ordinary workplaces then. Silly twerp.

Needless to say, with the worst state pension provision in the Western world, thanks to Maggie Thatcher, and one of the worst company final salary situations thanks to Gordon Brown, most pensioners are probably going to die of starvation or cold long before they get to their late 80s. And if they don’t they will wish they had as state provision for them disappears quicker than Lord Ashcroft when a tax demand arrives on his mat.

Incidentally, if any government minister happens to come upon this story (well Steve Webb could be one of these self important prats that Googles his own name), could you please note that in Scotland the weather is a lot colder than in England, and already people are putting their heating on.... or are sitting in the cold, whilst in London the temperatures have reached 25 ˚C.