DON'T LET IT GO TO YOUR HEAD NICK

Bless him. Isn’t the Deputy Prime Minister just one of these people you wish you’d always had around you, and now you’ve got him you just don’t know where you would be without him?

Today he has been giving us parenting classes. He has “condem”ned (was that clever or what?) Britain’s falling level of social mobility and told parents they should do more to help with their children’s education to remedy this.

Mothers and fathers, he said, had a responsibility encourage their children’s education even if they are busy and tired. Aw bless... he’s a wee sweetie isn’t he?

He admitted that he was walking on dangerous ground telling parents how to bring up their children but said that politicians must not remain silent on such important matters.

Why not Nick? I’d have thought it was a superb idea. You know, it would give them more time to get on with the job they were elected to do. Just what on earth is it about politicians that give them some sort of right to be telling us how to bring up our kids?

Are they particularly good at bringing up kids?

Oh and do you mean ALL politicians Nick, or is it just Liberal ones, or Tory and Liberal ones. Should I not take notice of what Mr Straw says because he’s Labour? And is it just elected politicians or do lords also have this amazing ability when it comes to child rearing? Is it possible that SNP politicians are better at kiddy raising than Liberals, or maybe worse? What do you think Nick...you’re the expert.

There’s more though: “Parents hold the fortunes of the children they bring into this world in their hands. All parents have a responsibility to nurture the potential in their children,” he said.

So anyone that’s likely to be listening to you is probably aware of that Nick. Most of us are not entirely thick even if we didn’t get to go to Westminster School.

He also shared with us his view that bad parenting did more to hold kids back than poverty. So as well as being an expert in child rearing he (and possibly all politicians or those sorted out above) is a sociologist with a deep understanding of what makes people successful in life, and the relative effects of parenting and poverty including factors like; inherited intellectual prowess; type of schooling and quality of teaching available in areas where kids from poor backgrounds are likely to live; peer pressure; lack of facilities for study; lack of ambition of school teachers; inability to afford college or university; unlikelihood of being able to get into Oxbridge, St Andrews, Edinburgh, London...and so on.... Still, I’m sure if you give him a call he’ll explain it all to you.

Amazingly he did admit that his own incredibly wealthy childhood (it’s said he makes the Camerons look poor) had a part to play in his rise to the position of Deputy Prime Minister, but declined to comment about whether he would have been equally successful had he not been wealthy.

Right Nick, you’re in charge this week. Don’t let it go to your head. Only real numpties like Harriet invite their granny round for a cup of tea at No 10 when the boss is away... and only real numpties think that because they, by sheer fluke, got to be Deputy Prime Minister that gives them the God given right to lecture the rest of us on domestic matters about which they know little.

Pics: Cleggy looking a little hurt by my remarks, and lower down, at Westminster School where they did classes in being Deputy Prime Minister.

Deputy PM to get own (Deputy) PMQs

Clement Attlee, First Deputy Prime Minister

According to the Times Nick Clegg (Deputy Dawg) is to get more than a shiny deputy badge in his hastily contrived role: his own Deputy Prime Minister’s Questions! He is likely to take the floor of the Commons once a week, to answer questions on his unique portfolio of constitutional reform and coalition trouble-shooting. Something to look forward to then!

The event, which has the broad agreement of the Speaker but is yet to be signed off by the new government, is likely to take place on Thursdays and be “bolted on” to Business Questions, where the agenda for the Commons is outlined. This will be seen as a sop to the Lib Dems who now sit on the government benches and lose the rights of opposition parties to cross-question the Prime Minister.

One of the complications of the new arrangement will be who sits across from Mr Clegg at the despatch box. Currently Harriet Harman, who has been appointed Labour’s acting leader, must lead for her party against David Cameron on a Wednesday. The role could be expected to pass to Rosie Winterton, who has succeeded Harbag as Shadow Leader of the House. I guess that Labour will have to have a shadow deputy dawg, but suppose that will be up to the new leader to decide.

John Prescott, the last deputy Prime Minister, used to have his own Question Time in the 15 minutes before Tony Blair took questions on a Wednesday. A kind of 'silly bugger' slot to warm them up you might say. However, this is not thought to carry enough prestige for the new holder of the badge. Nothing trivial for Deputy Dawg.

The office of Deputy Prime Minister was a made up job created, funnily enough, under our last coalition government for Clement Attlee. Clem went on to become PM in his own right. One of only two Deputy PM’s to do so. The other was Anthony Eden.

It is more like an office of political expediency and, where it exists, may bring with it practical influence depending on the status of the holder, rather than the status of the position.

It remains to be seen what Clegg will make of it with his rather nebulous brief of cooking the constitutional fudge and shoving it down the throats of his Tory colleagues and the British public! Let’s hope Labour put up someone who can give him a run for his money.