Another little joy for British citizens to come from the London Olympics. The Border Agency (whoever heard of not being actually totally in control of your borders but handing the responsibility out to an agency) has said that it will roster all staff for the period of the games. But after the festival is over, all the staff who didn't get leave during the 6 weeks of "sport" will want to grab what little is left of what passes for summer. There will be a desperate shortage of staff, at the same time as controls are stricter and the government is demanding a reduction in staffing. Well duh! One way to get you to stay at home.

Tory Minister for Drought Richard Benyon, who is the great great grandson of Lord Salisbury and who lives in the house shown (yes, that's all one house, not a block of flats), has been accused of leaving a hose running for two hours, the day after a hose pipe ban was introduced, presumably by him! He denies it, and insists it was a plot by a  newspaper to stitch him up. The house has extensive grounds including ornamental gardens which are normally open to the public at this time of the year (for a fee), but mystifyingly they are not this year. I wonder why...

For some reason the mother of these two little ducklings abandoned them only hours after their birth. But as luck would have it they were found by two animal lovers and taken to a wildlife centre where they are pictured swimming around in a sink. They will be looked after and returned to the wild when they are ready to fend for themselves. [I thought we should have a story with a happy ending for Easter!!]

The fact that the toffs' race, Oxford and Cambridge's boat race had to be  stopped yesterday is a matter of supreme indifference to me. I didn't even know it was on or indeed that it had happened until I saw the incident at tea time. What is worrying is the way that this London government is driving wedges between people more than I've ever seen in my lifetime. The haves and the have nots; the toffs and the plebs, are being marked out in a way most of us haven't experienced before. (Mrs Thatcher managed to divide, and cause misery in her doing of it, but it wasn't a Downton Abbey kind of split; a class thing.) What worries me is that those 'beneath stairs' are hardly likely to take this lying down for very long, and the boat race incident is, I suspect, just one of many protests against the elitism that the government of Old Boys. I suspect that protests may make this a very difficult year for the Botox Toff.

MEANWHILE, OVER AT THE DAILY STAR......

I was trawling around on the computer tonight looking for something interesting and different to write about: something more relaxing than politics, when lo and behold I came upon the Daily Star, that organ of record.... or something. Well obviously most of the paper is given over to the antics of Peter André and Katie Price, and how their daughter “Princess” (OMG) turned up at Pete’s house with bruises all over her, and so Pete phoned Katie to ask her what it was, and she said it was mascara. So Pete phoned his solicitor (instead of just getting a cloth and trying to wipe off the mascara) and then he wrote about it in his magazine column (yes, he’s a journalist now as well as a mega pop star).

So, it seems that someone in the police reads Mr André’s column because the police came round.... and Pete just can’t understand it.... Well of course he can’t. His brain cell was probably working on something else at that moment.

For how long will this ghastly pair continue to use their kids to get themselves in the papers and buoy up their totally talentless superstardom?

Another story that caught my eye was one about a swan, who has been causing grief to some rowers on the River Cam near Cambridge. It seems that the bird, whom they have dubbed “Mr Asbo” (Lord aren’t they clever!) has been “terrorising the river”. Appeals have been made to the Queen, asking her to remove the swan on the grounds that all swans in England are the property of the monarch, which, of course, is not true. Not that the Daily Star could be bothered finding that out.

Dinghy sailor Ashley Sparkes, 27, said: “He came at us full speed, flapping his wings.” Oh dear Ashley. That’s erm....ever so....erm.....interesting....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Put your brain into gear Ashley... What time of year is it? Yes, It’s Spring. And what happens in Spring Ashley? Yes, animals and birds have young. So the likelihood is that the swan is guarding its nest.

Try not rowing for a few weeks while the eggs are vulnerable. Or row somewhere else. Pfffffff.

Right, that was supposed to take my mind off politics and make me smile.... but it didn’t work.

Pics: Asbo, the good looking swan, and Peter Andre

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