Sunday, 9 June 2013


The Highlight of the Conference, you might have thought, but with all these empty sets is it possible that  Vera Lynn was doing a tour of Scotland and fetched up in Stirling on the same day as Dave?
Eton Boy Cameron used his speech to the Scottish area conference to make the case for the Union, defending welfare reforms, and saying that Tories should be "proud that we're the party making the bold case on welfare".

Leaders, speaking to their faithful have a duty to tell them what they want to hear, but they should remember that what they say is heard outside the conference hall and temper the rhetoric accordingly. I mean you can go too far...

Dave The Toff said that there was no turning back on austerity, (mystifying us with the line: “The UK is not only stronger together but is also richer together”.  It must be an Eton Oxford thing. I’m just not seeing it).

"But” he went on, “the argument about the future has to be won where it really counts: in the heart as well as in the head.

"Let's show that our case stacks up on paper. But let's also make sure it resonates with people too. Win in the head, and win in the heart. (This should be good.)

“This is about the future of our island; the next chapter in our story (Queue "Land of Hope and Glory playing in the background). "

"There is simply no challenge we face today where breaking up Britain is the right answer. (Well, none YOU face Dave, but then, you are you; and we are us and betwixt there is this almighty chasm.) 

"Scotland should remain part of a dynamic, enterprising, prosperous, compassionate Britain. (Where's that then? I don't recognise any of these words as suitable adjectives for Britain.)

"The UK should be a country where we are cutting our deficit, not arguing about how to divide it up and where we are fixing welfare, not doubling the problem by splitting up (How would you double the problem by splitting the UK up? Not seeing the logic of that at all!). We should be pulling together, not pulling apart. (Bit of the old school song there, if you missed it "with our bodies between our knees"...eww err.)

"Together we're unbeatable. (No, we're not.) United we're unstoppable (Hmmm, you know that's not true). The case is unquestionable (Not so: I for one am questioning it...but I may not count for I didn't go to Oxford or Eton). Head, heart, body and soul, we will fight for our United Kingdom every step of the way." (OK, that was very passionate, now get nanny to wipe away your tear and get on with it.)

He trotted out his old faithful that appears to impress Tories: 12,000 people north of the border work in defence companies backed by a British defence budget that is the fourth largest in the world. (Of course that defence money could be used for other things... Oh no sorry. That's not what the White House wants to hear; and in any case many of them are working for a French company within that British defence budget.)

Strangely he told the faithful "If there's one thing we've learnt from the financial crisis: you can't have banks that are too big to fail. (I say strangely  because, although we have known about this for some time, nothing much has happened. Lloyds selling off a few branches is really not going to make them too large to fail.)

"The UK's history has always been one of shared endeavour with different countries, proud in our individual identities but working together for a common good." (No. It has very largely been about England, which is not unreasonable seeing as it is the biggest country. Many people used to talk about Russia when they meant the Soviet Union and no one had heard of The Kirghiz Soviet Socialist Republic.)

"We saw it when our soldiers fought together under one flag on the beaches of Normandy (in a war where our men and women fought alongside Indians, Australians, Americans Canadians, Free French, Polish, etc, etc, ad infinitum). We saw it when our doctors came together to build our NHS. (Only the English NHS is officially called the "National Health Service".  All of the services were founded in 1948, based on legislation passed in 1946, 1947 and 1948. NHS Wales was part of the same structure as England until it became independent in 1969. Scotland's was always quite separate. Each system operates independently, and is politically accountable to the relevant government: the Scottish GovernmentWelsh Government, the Northern Ireland Executive, and the UK Government which is responsible for England's NHS. ).

"We saw it in the scientific breakthroughs that we made together: from the television to penicillin. (Of course we never have worked in scientific co-operation with any other countries in the world and the minute independence is up and running our universities will cease all communications)

"And we saw it last summer as athletes from around Britain, no matter where they were from, draped themselves in one flag." (Possibly this was because they wanted to,  and possibly it was because the Saltire and Welsh flags were banned from stadia.)

He asked: "With still so much more to come why wouldn't we want to face the future together?" (Erm, I really have run out of space, maybe you could try again to tell us why we would, when we pay more tax than the rest of the union and get less back; when recent academic research has shown how every part of the UK suffers in comparison to London, from which this government is now evicting the very poorest, and that the UK compares badly with almost every other developed country a host of issues). 
In defence of his social security reforms, his mission, he said, can be summed up in one sentence: "To turn our country around and give all our people the best chance of success." By throwing poor people for whom there are no jobs out of unsuitable homes for which there are no alternatives, because it wasn't economically viable to build homes for them and because controlling rents would hurt his rich friends. Nice one Dave.)

"It hasn't been easy, and it certainly hasn't always been popular (yeah, you can say that again! Ask Nick!). But our plan is working (Sorry? Did I hear that right?). In case anyone has any doubts, there will be no turning back.

"The welfare system is unaffordable (POSSIBLY BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO COLLECT TAX FROM YOUR RICH MATES) and compassion isn't measured by the size of the benefits you pay. No, it's about helping people get back on their feet if they possibly can." (And leaving them to die if they can't, presumably, because that is what you are doing you heartless bastard.)


  1. That ridiculous drivel is even more facile than usual. What a fillip for the SNP on the eve of a by-election that a patronising Eton jelly fish comes here and reminds us all just how much better off we would be not together with him and his odious crew of spivs and carpet baggers.

    Once again Cameron and his speech writers and spads don’t seem either to be able to think and to join the dots and give us a speech with meaningful content that doesn’t either have us picking our jaws up off the floor or rolling in gales of laughter in the aisles. Or they just think we are too stupid to be able to fill the blanks in for ourselves, perhaps they think that every member of the Scottish intelligentsia is a nano-second away from the famous Scottish cringe or perhaps our brains are too addled with drink to actually start working. We are not all single celled organisms like DC and we can remember the things that were done and said only a short time ago. Our attention spans are not a millisecond and our long term memory is more than a week.

    The worst insult of all isn’t the Tories or David Cameron and his odious government. It’s the insult to our intelligence that assumes that there is no Scottish intelligentsia, that assumes we will not be able to join the disparate statements and acts and come up with the conclusion of rank hypocrisy, that thinks that we are all drink filled, drug addicted scroungers with an anti-English chip on our shoulders the size of Antarctica. But worst of all that we are simply unable to think and can thus be patronised to this degree.

    1. I don't think that they have come to grips with the fact that we live in an internet world.

      When they burble a load of rubbish, we can instantly check it against the last rubbish they burbled.

      I'm sure they don't think we are all drink addled. They must be aware of the fact that we have some of the best universities in the world.

      But remember he was at a gathering of the faithful...FEW faithful nowadays in Scotland... and he had to say what they wanted to hear.

      No matter how much guff it all was.

  2. tris

    Cameron (and others) would they say give Head, heart, body and soul, to keep the sacred Union,
    But ! the all the money goes to the south east of England. Now I would rather have a little less patriotic hyperbole and a bit hard cash outside of the south east of England.

    That as ever with Cameron's scoundrels lot is not, nor ever will be on offer.

    bought and sold for political hyperbole
    all the while English Torys take all the gold
    Such a parcel of ninnies in a nation!
    who let them get away with it.

    apologies to Robbie burns

    1. I'm sure Rabbie will forgive you Niko.

      That's is the trouble. Our rich nation is only really rich in one tiny part.

      We've wasted the opportunity to give people a decent life, so we could continue to play at being important and influential.

  3. and just remember this if you and yer family are ever hungry
    (you will be )

    just rub a Union flag on yer and there tummies
    makes all the hunger pangs go away and gives yer
    a warm glow for 5 maybe 10 mins.
    god save her majesty
    gawd bless her!!!

    1. Ahhhhhh...THAT's what you do when they won't give you anything at the food bank is it?

      Did you read about the food bank that is turning people away if they are undeserving poor?

      Jeez, even charities are becoming Tories.

  4. I do love when you (and indeed rev Stu) do these pieces with commentary!!

    When he says "The case is unquestionable" what he means is for God's sake don't question me because this facile shite is the best I could come up with as the positive case for the union is as mythical as the unicorn.

    Still the trailer for Mcwhirter's "Road to Referendum" has it right when dodgy Dave states "the UK would be poorer without Scotland". Aye too right pal and this so called subsidy junkie is voting Yes.

    1. Awww thanks PP. Actually I got the idea from my pal James at Scot Goes Pop. He does them BRILLIANTLY and mine is a poor imitation (but I quite enjoyed it).

      They talk so much crap that it's not that hard to debunk them.

      I've got another one for later today.

      Yes, the UK would be poorer without Scotland. It's been quite plain for a long time that we subsidise the south so that they can live with all the things we do not have.

      High time we had the same standard or better of motorways, internet and railways...for example, as they have in England.

      Let's do it.

  5. Tris

    Cameron is a scum bag, there are times when things are just a difference of opinion, but not with Cameron and most of the politicians we have allowed to become a ruling class now.

    Darling at the Tory conference and most commentators saying this is ok this afternoon. No it is not, they are all the same party and we are to blame. Add in the media, who in the main attended the same schools as the politicians, and we have really allowed ourselves to be beaten into near submission.

    Cameron doesn't give a shit about anything other than privilege and his friends and the sooner the better people wake up and form new parties or start going for the Greens etc we will all end up in a world that we will physically have to fight to get control of.

    The times are needing to change and people who take no interest or have been sucked in need to wake the f up.


  6. Yes Bruce ... it's all about power for the sake of power.

    The Scottish Labour MPs are worried that instead of strutting the stage in London dealing with the Obamas and Xi Jinping, Abdullahs and Hollandes of this world, they will find themselves in Edinburgh, where the weather is less clement, dealing with problems of roads, railways and drains. Plus of course without London there is no hope of a £300+ a day tax free earner after the Commons.

    The English MPs are worried that without the Scottish money they are gubbed...

    I think Nigel One for the Road has probably given them all a bit of a fright.

  7. Just watched part one of the road to referendum, surprisingly balanced and fair.


    1. I agree.

      There were bits that made me angry and I suppose bits that made me sad.

      Margo was pretty when she was younger...

      George Galloway is a willie...

      So is Douglas Hurd...

      But yeah, overall it was well balanced.

      And the Eton Boy repeated that Scotland COULD manage on its own, but the UK would be worse off without it.

      You bet it would....will be.

  8. I hear Darling went down well at the Tory conference - ach, you can finish the joke off yourselves!

  9. Went down the well...? like as in Ding Dong Dell, Darling's in the well?

    Frankly it's the best place for him...