A BP guard shot a polar bear in Alaska, in error because he thought he was shooting “beanbags” and did not know he had live bullets in his gun. OK... that is very sloppy; if, as part of your job you are going to fire guns, it’s probably a good idea to know what you are firing. But the thing that makes me utterly sick is that BP staff monitored the bear until she died 11 days later. What kind of sick people does BP employ?
Royal Mail has been cutting costs... And coincidently around 10% of first class (well, what THEY laughingly call first class) mail failed to get to its destination on time. Among other things that were to blame for this was...wait for it ...Iceland and its volcano. Yes, not only did the last prime minister label little Iceland “terrorists”, but it’s now their fault that the Royal Mail doesn’t know its bottom from its armpit. I was told that if I wanted to guarantee a next day delivery of a letter to Glasgow (from Dundee, about 80 miles away), it would cost me £5.50. You get brilliant service if you can afford a first class stamp at that price.
You remember Iris Robinson, wife of Ulster’s first minister, devout fire and brimstone Christian, hater of anything divergent from the word of the good book... oh, and incidentally, the 60 year old granny who was having it off with a 19 year old kid behind her husband’s back? Yes, surely you remember her... No? Well, she was also a local councillor, an MP and an AM... not bad money (especially if you add her husband’s many and various incomes and the fact that they were both a bit heavy handed on the old expenses)... Coming back to you now? She had a nervous breakdown when it turned out that she was a bit of a cradle snatching old woman... A contributory factor to that mental illness might have been that she was accused of using her position in the council to secure her teenage lover boy a catering contract, without disclosing her interest (well she wouldn’t, would she?) and of getting him a big fat loan from another “friend of the family”, of which, I seem to recall, despite her 3 salaries and numerous expenses, she wanted a slice. Is it coming back to you? Yes. That’s it; that’s her. Well, you’d never be guessing (as they say in Ireland) but she’s been completely exonerated. And she’s been cured too. That’s a bit of luck the two coinciding like that. Or maybe it’s because she’s in a close relationship with God or something...who knows? In other news a bloke who stole a t-shirt from the Armani shop in Birmingham during their riots was jailed for 20 months... I say 20 months... Funny old world, ain’t it?
I had to laugh tonight at the BBC news about Al Megrahi. It seems that the Little Blue Man, Nick Clegg, is calling him to be returned to Scotland to jail. Al Megrahi has broken the terms of his licence you see. He has moved house without informing his parole authorities and hasn’t kept in touch by telephone. Hmmm. Now I wonder why that would be. Oh yeah, I’ve heard they are having a spot of local bother... a riot or two, this time supported by Cameron and his puppet. (I wish they’d make their minds up.) Maybe the phones aren’t working too well; maybe his house isn’t secure any more... He was a friend of Gaddafi and as such is likely to be in hiding, but just as likely to be dead by the end of next week, wonder drug or no wonder drug. In the mean time, does anyone know what gets blue paint out of Armani suits?