COGITO, ERGO SUM FIRST MINISTER

Fresh from their wee break last week, hobnobbing with the rich and lecherous ... sorry famous.... the party leaders returned to the fray this week at FMQs and kicking off, as usual, for the away team was Elmer Fudd, proof positive that a break doesn’t always do you any good. Instead of concentrating on the task at hand, and leaving enough room for backbenchers to ask questions that actually matter, Elmer was concerned about the poster on the wall of St Andrew’s House which he described rather grandly as North Korean, and then spoiled it by referring to the "great", rather than the "dear" leader.

Eventually he got round to the question, or series of questions about economic growth or not, in Scotland, in which he got his figures wrong, cherry picked the Rowantree Foundation’s report and stuttered, on at least one occasion prompting Mr Ferguson to remind him that it was First Minister’s QUESTIONS, and could he come up with one, please? Eck as usual wiped the floor with him, quoting good news about more house building and renewable energy jobs coming up. As Eck pointed out, the Scottish government could do a deal more if only it had the power; something Iain Gray’s party was happy to deny it. He ended with a rousing piece, Salmond at his best, recounting with ever rising hysteria and obvious relish, and to the delight of the chamber, advice given to him on election strategy by none other than Hootsman jouro Bill Jamieson..... the two words that strike fear into the heart of every Scot...."Iain Gray".

Annabel was next up for a turn, refreshed and somewhat flushed, presumably from her encounter with El Duce, and showing off her superior education, she started off with a quote in Latin (someone should tell her Philip is Greek!!) "Via, Veritas, Vita", she intoned somewhat superiorly, and, knowing that no one else in the place would have a clue, she translated; "the way, the truth, life".

This was the posh way to introduce the question of university funding and a speech made by Anton Muscatelli , principal of Glasgow university. The good professor, it seems thinks that his university will soon be broke and urgently needs government to look at ways to ensure that his massive salary can be maintained. To be fair he had been quite complimentary about the SNP government’s funding over the years, a fact Annabel in her Roman flush, neglected to mention. But it was a fair question for all that. It’s serious and Eck took it seriously. There was to be a green paper on ways of funding, but the government did rule out upfront fees. So, it seemed, did Annabel. She was for a graduate tax, possibly forgetting that it is not in the Scottish government’s remit to impose that!

And so to Farmer Tavish and his eminently sensible questions about the Commonwealth Games in Delhi, to which Mr Salmond gave perfectly sensible answers. The Scottish team has a delegation in India and can inspect the accommodations for themselves which puts them in a better situation than many other teams. Tavish was rightly concerned that some of Scotland’s top athletes were unable to compete due to other commitments. The FM explained that the climate in Delhi has meant that the games have had to be moved to a time in the year different from the usual one. Glasgow, with no such climatic problems (it’s cool and damp all year round) will have no such issues and the Games should not clash with other major events.

See Elmer, if ask sensible non point scoring questions, like we pay you to, you get intelligent answers.

Jackie Bailey was put in her place over public enquiry into the C Diff outbreak; Alec was asked about prisoners’ votes by several MPSs. It was suggested to him, and he agreed that our elections should be run by the Scottish government; there was a question about European human rights in an independent Scotland, one on teacher numbers, and on public sector pay and bonuses.

Too few, I fear, from back benchers because Iain Gray takes up too much of the half hour wittering round and round like a crazy carousel, and the PO is too busy doing an imitation of Joyce Grenfell in her nursery teacher role "Don't do that George" to shut him up.

And so to lunch ..............