I'M BARRED FROM SEEING MICHELLE'S TWEETS

The Noble Lady in pink looks unimpressed with her new colleague

Well, there you go. The whole thing has always been a joke of course, and most reasonable thinking people in Britain realise that. 

It was bad and bad enough when aristocrats handed down a seat in parliament to their legitimate offspring. It was an affront to democracy, but then so is an hereditary head of state or a privy council, or a first past the post system...

Her neighbour looks positively disenchanted

But, the current nonsense is beyond a joke. Any Tom Dick or Michelle can get themselves a seat in the chamber of the living dead, simply by currying favour with a leader of one of the parties that subscribe to this nonsense, following orders or maybe making a financial contribution. The package comes complete with medieval title and £300 a day tax free expenses.

In this case, it was allegedly Mone's business skills led her to be appointed as a Baron, the lowest level of lord (her style will now be "the noble" and her children will enjoy being "honourables"). That being the case it must have been a bit of an embarrassment for her that on the eve of her elevation to the nobility, with a remit for entrepreneurship, it was announced that her Ultimo company made staggering losses. I suppose, though, in fairness, people like her feel no sense of shame about small matters like that.

I suspect her very public falling out with Labour over Brown's handling of the economy and his threat to increase the top rate of tax, and her visceral hatred of the SNP and independence for her homeland may have had something to do with her success with the Tories, though. Nothing like a slap in the face for Labour from a working class girl made good.

Fortunately these two look more favourably upon Michelle. I've not seen IDS look so happy since he found out how many sick people had ''signed off'' under his regime, and George looks as if he's been sniffing stuff again.

The Tories, who turned out in force to celebrate with her in her ermine robes, don't seem to feel any embarrassment about her failing business. She has since divested herself of Ultimo and moved on to fake tans and diet pills.

I have to say the photographs, even ones take with two of the most despicable of her new colleagues show her sporting the most classy (if somewhat over the top) outfit I've ever seen her wear.

The Noble Lady has chosen to be known as  Baroness Mone of Mayfair in the City of Westminster... like some latter day Eliza Dolittle. Presumably, in her rush to get away from the nasty things people were saying about her on Twitter (which she didn't understand could actually get across the border into England) she has forgotten that she comes from the East End of Glasgow. 

I suppose the folk from the East End won't much care.

I had a look to see what she was tweeting about as she became a lord, but I got this message. Clearly she doesn't much care for Munguin.

You are blocked from following @MichelleMone and viewing @MichelleMone's Tweets.Learn more

SNAPS ON SATURDAY

Just keep coming for your holidays

Pool what resources...Oh yeah, ours!

Last week it was China, now some tiresome people want to remind
me of my past. It wasn't my fault. I was frightened of the ogre.

...and get less money to do it with

And IDS took a year off because his wife was sick.

I wonder what the very bottom price for a Lordship is

Lions led by donkeys ... remind you of anything?

But Alistair did manage to do a lot of flipping...
John never managed that!

Nope, no limit

And after a week when top Tories were briefing against him,
apparently they are now complaining
that Yes Scotland is criticising him. Awwww.

I'd rather have the best of one world...

I wonder what she's saying...
Ehhh it's your turn tae waash the stairs this week.
I done it last week.

Trust the Tories? Aye right.

He seems proud of it. They tell me he was once a socialist.

And still James Kelly brought up the government's record in parliament.
You do wonder sometimes if he's quite the full shilling

Oh there's standing room in the bunker, is there?

SNAPS ON SUNDAY

Labour and the SNP working together

When you think about it, it's just madness that we live like we do

Now, it's up to you Labour...

PLEASE

Despite the obvious advantages, people still think we can't go it alone. They thing we need the likes of Cameron and Osborne,  and the most inept government ever

Er um well yeah... I am a liar.

Get back across that line in the sand

Let's stop all their benefits

And, after all there are so many jobs waiting to be filled...aren't there?

Oh Lord, don't they make you laugh

IF YOU PAYS PEANUTS, GIDEON, WHAT DO YOU GET?

Has it occurred to George Osborne that if he pays civil servants more in those parts of the country where people are well off, and less in those where they are poor, he's likely to find that all the good civil servants will want to go where the money is, and the poor one (and yes, there are undoubtedly poor ones) will end up in the poverty zones?


Thought not!


This will be particularly counter productive in the departments that deal with social security. In, for example, Bath, where people are relatively well off, and there is a relatively low unemployment rate, there will be huge demand for positions in the Jobcentre. Those who are unemployed are less likely to be saddled with a string of criminal convictions and drug and alcohol issues, so the job will be easier... and the pay will be reasonable. 


But in the likes of Liverpool, no one will want to work in the Jobcentre. The pay will be low and so the least capable civil servants will end up there, just where really good people are needed to meet the real challenges of the mass of unemployed.


Still, as long as it saves money, eh George?

I chose two English areas, although clearly there is abysmal poverty in some areas of Scotland, and a fair amount of money too. But you see, by the time he gets all this stuff organised (and past the trades unions who are going to fight it tooth and nail), he won't have squat to do with our civil service!

SOMEONE IS HAPPY THE TORIES ARE IN POWER

The royals must be delighted to have the Tories in power for, while bad things are happening daily to people like us, it has been unmitigated joy at the House of Windsor’s house (if you get my meaning)...well I should say houses really, for there are many.

Yes, Dave has rained down (see that: clever use of rained/reigned) benefit after benefit on the family to which he is, I’m told, distantly related. But then, why not? After all, the story goes that when Dave decided that he wanted to be in politics, and the natural party for his sort was the Tories, they showed little interest in putting him forward for a seat. Well, they wouldn’t. Unlike most politicos, Wee Willie Hague for example, he had shown no interest in politics, or in the Tories, at Oxford. His politics, such as they were, were right wing, but they would be. I mean if you had his money wouldn’t you want to keep your hands on it?

Anyway, I ramble. The point is that the Tories weren’t interested in Davie, until one day the Tory chairman got a call from someone at the palace. No, not her, don’t be silly. It was one of her flunkies, but a top flunky it must have been for, lo and behold, the next thing is that Dave is an MP.

So it’s payback time Cammy. And the payback has been big. First the chancellor announced, hidden at the end of the budget, that the Civil List was to be scrapped and a new system of payment for royals initiated. Of course no one imagined that, in a budget so full of bad news for “ordinary” people, that this would mean a large pay rise for the Queen. Apparently Charlie, who is at the bottom of everything avaricious and profligate in the royal family has been writing to ministers for 20 years trying to get them to do this. All have resisted until Georgie who was a pushover and tent folded right away.

So next, it appears that “one” (Charlie) is fed up with one’s private business being known by all and sundry. So...letters, emails and documents relating to the monarch, Charlie and Willie will no longer be disclosed even if they are in the public interest. Yes, you read that right. Even if it is in the public interest!

Again this was tacked onto plans called (ironically) “opening up public bodies to public scrutiny". No one noticed its inclusion as “added protection" for the royals in the small print. You couldn’t make it up.

And now, when unions on the Tube have threatened a strike on April 29 when William and Kate are to be married, Dave’s spokesman has blamed the unions for undermining a day of national celebration. Celebration? What?

His rail minister said “most people” are looking forward celebrating the wedding. Again, what? Most people don’t care squat. I know not one single person who is interested.

Half the population doesn’t give a toss for a start. Guys may be appy to have a day off, but after that....pfffffffff?
And do women want to spend the day gazing at what other women, with a million times (literally) more to spend on clothes, are wearing. Dave is happy because it’s just before local government elections in England, which they want to win. Of course he’ll get a free feed at the palace afterwards.

So never mind all these people being thrown out of work, cold, hungry. We MUSTN’T have the royal wedding ruined... (like they will be using the Tube!!!)

Well, it's an ill wind......

Pic 1: “How awfully clever of you Charles, you doubled the money and the prols aren’t allowed to know how we spend it. Your father always said you’d come in useful for something if we kept you long enough. It's just a pity it took you 20 years to do.” Pic 2: “Sorry I’m late ma’am, the damned tubes are off.” Pic 3: “Ah yes, this is one’s garden; you paid for it, you stock it, you maintain it. Splendid, isn’t it? Take a good look; you’ll not see it again.” Pic 4: The Tent Folder General, hiding with a friend.