But first, an intervention from the clunking fist.
Well, we know you're not getting paid for this any more Gordon, but you could have at least feigned a little interest in what this man was saying, well OK, reading. How would you have liked it if, when you were young, an ex prime minister had come along to one of your speeches and slept through it?
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| That's great Baldrick. What is it? |
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| Set up a stall with pretty red balloons. That will get the people interested. Red balloons are very pretty. People like pretty things. |
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| Or we could wheel out the geriatric squad fro a bit of violence. People like a bit of violence. |
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| Or for an undisclosed sum of money we can get disgraced has beens to change how they already changed allegiance when they were thrown out of their old party for being on the fiddle. Let's face it, he'll do anything for some money. He hasn't got a job, you know. But he's a Striver, not a skiver That goes down well with ordinary folk. |
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| Better still, we could get all cool and write it on a tablet. Young people like tablets. They all carry them around. Dunno how they manage it. |
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| Did I mention that we could have a stall with red balloons? |
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| Oh I know, we could get out that dippy woman again. People like dippy women. |
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| Or we could have a big meeting over some taxpayer funded food. People like royal weddings and they always have vast amounts of taxpayer funded grub. Maybe Harry could marry Sally. I saw the film where they met. |
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| We could all say different things to prove we are human. People like humans, well some of them anyway. |
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| Or we could always say exactly the same thing...folk like consistency. |
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| OK, even I can see that this is not a cunning plan. We'll put him back in a box under the bed. |
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| We could try to wake up the House of Lords and get them to .... No? OK bad plan. People don't like the House of Lords! |
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| Got it. Cunning or what? Jim could scare the living daylights out of old people. It worked last time. Old people like being scared, and Jim is super scary! |
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| Red balloons didn't work but we could try blue ones? People like blue. It's a pretty colour. People like pretty colours |
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| Or get these blue people to stand at our stalls.... People like a mixture of colours |
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| Nah, wait. This is a stroke of genius. We could get that Nicola Sturgeon to come and speak about left wing politics for ordinary people. That should do the trick. People like left wing policies. |
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| Yeah, look. No matter where she goes, she attracts massive crowds. People like Nicola Sturgeon. |
